Decry

02:44

Hey there.


Down and small is too light to describe how I feel yesterday. There's always someone who always disparaging all your efforts, those who disguised concern as a way telling you don't have what it takes to succeed. 

A lion doesn't need to be guided all the way to become a king. So are we. 

The veiled concerned, caring and too much mollycoddling suffocates us. Asking us what we're going to do and keep complaining what we are doing not good enough or not right, is not building us. 

We love challenges, we love to create our own solutions. A person doesn't learn to garden if you keep giving him fruits, as much as a man doesn't think if he was given solution all the time. 

We probably doesn't have fifty years of gardening under our belt, but we are eager to learn, eager to experiment and passionate in what we do. I think I ran out of patience, and I feel like saying, fuck it, you do it alone then. I'll just go and travel and have fun. No need to wake up early, spend our money and time in the forsaken land. 

My weight is currently 85.9 kg. 😭

Yesterday I ate every 2 hours or less, and mostly carbs. I don't feel like eating clean, much less exercising. I garden half heartedly in my house. Pushing some seeds in, just bless them and tell them, do your best..



Pruned the spent roses head as well as kesum. The beauty lifted my mood ever so slightly. 



I woke up eating persimmon. Realizing my mom made fried noodles, I ate one small bowl of it. Two hours later, another bowl. Three slice of sweet bread comes next. After eating the bread, my sil sent chicken rice, which I devoured. Followed by another bowl of fried noodles, grapes, leftover persimmon and roasted chicken breast.

I end up listening to 90's pop and R&B songs. Singing along, dancing does wonder to my mood. Before sleep, I remind myself I'm doing this for me, for my dad and not for others. 

This morning, feeling refreshed, and stepping on the scales, I'm down to 84.5 kg. So for breakfast, I took out a forgotten apple. Slicing it, I'm surprised the pips have sprouted.


I've planted them, and we'll see if they grow. 



Breakfast, fried veggies and 1 green apple.  
Snack, tiny orange. 1 apple. 3/4 bread and 1 half boiled egg (Keyaan's leftover)


Another snack, apple. A bahulu.
Dinner, plum and fried veggies.
After workout, 4 slice of biscuits and  warm chocolate. 



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